Der offizielle HSLAN F1 Topic!
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Der offizielle HSLAN F1 Topic!
dat glaubst du selbst nicht, bei mercedes wird wohl montoya weit fliegen, Raikonen ist schon aus weltmeisterstoff gebaut mcklaren würde ihm daher nicht gehen lassen...
MuuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Der offizielle HSLAN F1 Topic!
Schumi's Sekret Diary 2006
Saturday January 14 2006
Hello all my magnificently expectant tifosis, including a special mention this time for Michelle Foster who thinks it is both unconvincible and inconceivable that I am going to put my helmet into a cupboard at the end of 2006.
Michelle, you will be the first to know.......... in your street anyway.
Ha ha, a little joke to start 2006 and already you detect a change in the Schumster, perhaps, and this is indeed so. My most adoring of tifosis will remember my campaign back in 2003 (revealed to you on this Internet page) to become 50% funnier.
This is after a press conference in which Ralf got a lot of laughs and I did not get any. And it was not for his blond haircut or Cora’s latest fashion disaster either. I did not reach my target of overall funniness within the correct timing, but 2006 will be different. I would like to achieve another Weltmeister crown and also become king of F1 comedy.
I know that Christian Horner would like to gain this title also, and it will be a tough fight to the finish line in Brazil. He has David Coulthard on his side. David is good at delivering the funny joke with a complete toilet pan face and I think this is a style I must copy. Grinning too much before a joke does not help with overall humour delivery. (For those of you who want to miss out of the next bit, my first joke is at the end of this writing).
We have a lot to look forward to in 2006 and I am totally excited about our sporting chances this summer. I think if we get our preparation right and counter the opposition’s strengths then we could at least reach the semi-finals of the World Cup in Munich.
You see, I had the toilet pan face for that one, which you were not expecting.
As for the Formula 1 World Championship, we have been making some nice progress with the V8 engine. Ross and the engineers have worked out a perfect system for diagnosing which new engines are strong and which will do a McLaren and blow up. These we have put in a crate and labelled – For Red Bull.
There are many surprising news stories coming out of the motoring papers and it is very boring to see yet again the “will he retire/won’t he retire” stories and the “will he stay at Ferrari/will he move from Ferrari” stories.
I said that at mid-season I will decide if I want to go on or not go on, and 99% I do this with Ferrari if I go on. When I said this sentence I made the comment that unfortunately I would rather say this because I don't want to lie and in life it is simply impossible to be 100% certain of what is going to happen and I think that is all very clear to everyone now.
It is interesting to read that my old friend Tom Walkinshaw is back in the motorsport business again, with rallying this time. Tom was the person who first got Flavio attracted to me after the Belgian GP where I had the one-off race for Jordan. To be honest with you, Flav was more concerning himself with wearing his jumper the right way in those days and it was Tom who persuaded him to get his chequebook out.
Of course the whole paddock is still rocking with the news that Fernando Alonso will be moving to McLaren in 2007. And I think I know why – it is the donkey theory of F1. Minardi in 2005 had Dutchman Cristijan Albers in their team, and then they took on Robert Doornbos, also a Dutchman, so that Cristijan would have another Dutch person to talk to in Dutch.
McLaren have Pedro de la Rosa who is Spanish, and probably getting bored with no Spanish people in Woking (apart from El Ron Diniz) and so now he will have another donkey in the field with him. And before you mention about Juan – he lives in Monaco, an apartment just behind the Krispy Kreme Donut concession, next to the Rent-a-dangerous-motobike shop.
I am muchly looking forward to some more testing and the Ferrari launch, but for now I leave you with my first joke of 2006.
A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His wife is rolling over to look at him and says contemptuously : "I think you'll find
that's a sheep, you iddi."
The man says: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
The Schum
Saturday January 14 2006
Hello all my magnificently expectant tifosis, including a special mention this time for Michelle Foster who thinks it is both unconvincible and inconceivable that I am going to put my helmet into a cupboard at the end of 2006.
Michelle, you will be the first to know.......... in your street anyway.
Ha ha, a little joke to start 2006 and already you detect a change in the Schumster, perhaps, and this is indeed so. My most adoring of tifosis will remember my campaign back in 2003 (revealed to you on this Internet page) to become 50% funnier.
This is after a press conference in which Ralf got a lot of laughs and I did not get any. And it was not for his blond haircut or Cora’s latest fashion disaster either. I did not reach my target of overall funniness within the correct timing, but 2006 will be different. I would like to achieve another Weltmeister crown and also become king of F1 comedy.
I know that Christian Horner would like to gain this title also, and it will be a tough fight to the finish line in Brazil. He has David Coulthard on his side. David is good at delivering the funny joke with a complete toilet pan face and I think this is a style I must copy. Grinning too much before a joke does not help with overall humour delivery. (For those of you who want to miss out of the next bit, my first joke is at the end of this writing).
We have a lot to look forward to in 2006 and I am totally excited about our sporting chances this summer. I think if we get our preparation right and counter the opposition’s strengths then we could at least reach the semi-finals of the World Cup in Munich.
You see, I had the toilet pan face for that one, which you were not expecting.
As for the Formula 1 World Championship, we have been making some nice progress with the V8 engine. Ross and the engineers have worked out a perfect system for diagnosing which new engines are strong and which will do a McLaren and blow up. These we have put in a crate and labelled – For Red Bull.
There are many surprising news stories coming out of the motoring papers and it is very boring to see yet again the “will he retire/won’t he retire” stories and the “will he stay at Ferrari/will he move from Ferrari” stories.
I said that at mid-season I will decide if I want to go on or not go on, and 99% I do this with Ferrari if I go on. When I said this sentence I made the comment that unfortunately I would rather say this because I don't want to lie and in life it is simply impossible to be 100% certain of what is going to happen and I think that is all very clear to everyone now.
It is interesting to read that my old friend Tom Walkinshaw is back in the motorsport business again, with rallying this time. Tom was the person who first got Flavio attracted to me after the Belgian GP where I had the one-off race for Jordan. To be honest with you, Flav was more concerning himself with wearing his jumper the right way in those days and it was Tom who persuaded him to get his chequebook out.
Of course the whole paddock is still rocking with the news that Fernando Alonso will be moving to McLaren in 2007. And I think I know why – it is the donkey theory of F1. Minardi in 2005 had Dutchman Cristijan Albers in their team, and then they took on Robert Doornbos, also a Dutchman, so that Cristijan would have another Dutch person to talk to in Dutch.
McLaren have Pedro de la Rosa who is Spanish, and probably getting bored with no Spanish people in Woking (apart from El Ron Diniz) and so now he will have another donkey in the field with him. And before you mention about Juan – he lives in Monaco, an apartment just behind the Krispy Kreme Donut concession, next to the Rent-a-dangerous-motobike shop.
I am muchly looking forward to some more testing and the Ferrari launch, but for now I leave you with my first joke of 2006.
A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His wife is rolling over to look at him and says contemptuously : "I think you'll find
that's a sheep, you iddi."
The man says: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
The Schum
Was kümmern den Wolf die Flöhe!
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Full Metal Hans
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Der offizielle HSLAN F1 Topic!
Foto vom Test gestern
Ich weiß nicht immer, wovon ich rede. Aber ich weiß, dass ich recht habe. Muhammad Ali
Der offizielle HSLAN F1 Topic!
Schumi's Sekret Diary: Sakhir
Friday February 24 2006
Hello, my wildly anticipating tifosi chums. The clock is ticking slowly down. It is not long to go now and we are all getting as excited as children waiting for Christmas Eve and the big fat man dressed in red to come down our chimney. Not that Ross has come down our chimney since 2002, when we had to have the builders in.
No, you know I am only joking to you. Ross is totally much slimmer these days. But it is not through worrying about the Ferrari 248 which I am confident, given time and development, will evolve into another truly great Ferrari. And hopefully this season.
Okay, it is true that some of you may have detected an unnaturally cheerful standing point for some comments that I am making this week.
I think I said something like: "It looks as though we've got a better package this year than we did last year, and we're all ready to compete."
"Our extensive testing here at the track of Bahrain will surely not be a disadvantage."
"Of course the tests did not run 100% smoothly, but every team is having the teeth problems when they are introducing a new model at this time of year.”
Thankfully nobody asked me the question – so why don’t Honda and Renault have any problems then? I do not have crystal balls, so I cannot predict the future, but I know that I have a very good team behind me and that with better tyres and better luck, and no Takuma Sato, we will make progress.
Obviously there will be Takuma Sato, but he won’t be trying to overtake me any time this season.
It was funny to meet Valentino Rossi in Valencia and watch him drive. I have not seen so many spins since Lielblings pudgie wudgie donut face locked us in the laundry room and we played bouncey on the spin dryer.
Quite honestly and obviously I think Fernando Alonso is right when he is saying that he is glad Rossi is driving tests for Ferrari because they cannot do proper testing with him in the cockpit. We cannot concentrate on race set-up when the engineers’ hearts are in their mouths – will they ever see the car in one piece again – lap after lap after lap.
Of course I have to smile and say it is great for the team and how much talent he has etc etc but in my heart I am thinking ‘put Felipe back in and let’s get serious - goodbye monkey boy’.
Although I am trying very hard to be 50% funnier in 2006, there are those that are clearly gifted in the comedy lines. Mr Edward Jordan is one of them.
“I wouldn't be surprised if he (me, the Schum) encouraged Volkswagen, using their Audi brand, to come to the F1 table. 'Team Schumacher Audi F1' or 'Team Schumacher Volkswagen F1' would immediately attract huge following in Germany - and worldwide," he is apparently saying to F1-Racing magazine.
I know Eddie is Irish and so was probably intoxicated with six or seven pints of The Crack at the time but quite honestly and obviously I have been in talks with no-one.
At the same time he is creating my team for me, he is pushing Renault out from the sport and moving me into their headquarters. Madness on a bicycle. What is more, he thinks I am like Houdini or a burglar. "Schumi could certainly open doors that other people would find locked."
It is a powerful drink The Crack and I would certainly warn young people to stay away from near it.
And finally a pre-season joke for David Coulthard. What do you call a well-balanced Scotsman? A man with chips on both shoulders.
It’s the way I am both telling and delivering them.
Until Bahrain tifosis!
The Schum
Friday February 24 2006
Hello, my wildly anticipating tifosi chums. The clock is ticking slowly down. It is not long to go now and we are all getting as excited as children waiting for Christmas Eve and the big fat man dressed in red to come down our chimney. Not that Ross has come down our chimney since 2002, when we had to have the builders in.
No, you know I am only joking to you. Ross is totally much slimmer these days. But it is not through worrying about the Ferrari 248 which I am confident, given time and development, will evolve into another truly great Ferrari. And hopefully this season.
Okay, it is true that some of you may have detected an unnaturally cheerful standing point for some comments that I am making this week.
I think I said something like: "It looks as though we've got a better package this year than we did last year, and we're all ready to compete."
"Our extensive testing here at the track of Bahrain will surely not be a disadvantage."
"Of course the tests did not run 100% smoothly, but every team is having the teeth problems when they are introducing a new model at this time of year.”
Thankfully nobody asked me the question – so why don’t Honda and Renault have any problems then? I do not have crystal balls, so I cannot predict the future, but I know that I have a very good team behind me and that with better tyres and better luck, and no Takuma Sato, we will make progress.
Obviously there will be Takuma Sato, but he won’t be trying to overtake me any time this season.
It was funny to meet Valentino Rossi in Valencia and watch him drive. I have not seen so many spins since Lielblings pudgie wudgie donut face locked us in the laundry room and we played bouncey on the spin dryer.
Quite honestly and obviously I think Fernando Alonso is right when he is saying that he is glad Rossi is driving tests for Ferrari because they cannot do proper testing with him in the cockpit. We cannot concentrate on race set-up when the engineers’ hearts are in their mouths – will they ever see the car in one piece again – lap after lap after lap.
Of course I have to smile and say it is great for the team and how much talent he has etc etc but in my heart I am thinking ‘put Felipe back in and let’s get serious - goodbye monkey boy’.
Although I am trying very hard to be 50% funnier in 2006, there are those that are clearly gifted in the comedy lines. Mr Edward Jordan is one of them.
“I wouldn't be surprised if he (me, the Schum) encouraged Volkswagen, using their Audi brand, to come to the F1 table. 'Team Schumacher Audi F1' or 'Team Schumacher Volkswagen F1' would immediately attract huge following in Germany - and worldwide," he is apparently saying to F1-Racing magazine.
I know Eddie is Irish and so was probably intoxicated with six or seven pints of The Crack at the time but quite honestly and obviously I have been in talks with no-one.
At the same time he is creating my team for me, he is pushing Renault out from the sport and moving me into their headquarters. Madness on a bicycle. What is more, he thinks I am like Houdini or a burglar. "Schumi could certainly open doors that other people would find locked."
It is a powerful drink The Crack and I would certainly warn young people to stay away from near it.
And finally a pre-season joke for David Coulthard. What do you call a well-balanced Scotsman? A man with chips on both shoulders.
It’s the way I am both telling and delivering them.
Until Bahrain tifosis!
The Schum
Was kümmern den Wolf die Flöhe!